TTC, BD, CD, AF, DH...What's it all about anyway?!

So, here we are in August. August 3rd to be exact. It's been a difficult summer to say the least. I had a procedure on May 29th... a hysterosalpingogram. This was supposed to be something to help Tom and I in our journey to conceiving our first child. I didn't mention that before?!?! Yes, we have been actively trying to conceive for over 6 months (really 6 years) we just didn't see a Dr. until February. So, back to hyster...HSG for short. This was an extremely painful procedure. Don't let anyone tell you differently! Afterwards, as I am recuperating at home, I am doubled over in pain with a 103 degree fever. I call my dr and he says to get straight to the ER. To make a long story short, we discovered three things at this ER visit:
1. I have a blockage in my left Fallopian Tube and a tilted uterus.
2. I had pneumonia in my left lung
3. The dye from the HSG somehow damaged my gall bladder.

So, I had my gall bladder removed after many tests on June 26th. Not a fun thing. I was out of work for 7 weeks. Meanwhile, while I am recovering from GB removal surgery, my OBGYN wants to do an endometrial biopsy, since I haven't stopped bleeding since the middle of May. Not fun and very messy (the bleeding not the procedure). Although, the procedure was no picnic, either! The results from that come back and I have a polyp in my left FT (fallopian tube). So we set up surgery to get that removed, have a DNC, and try this whole baby making thing all over again. Then two days before my surgery, I get a call from obgyn and I have a bladder infection and my blood sugar is over 200. Surgery cancelled. No ETA on that, and that brings us to today! I am still bleeding heavily. My BS is still over 200 even with a new medication. I feel like I am never going to be able to have a baby. I am frustrated. I am tired. And I want to sleep all the time. However, missing 7 weeks of work has given me much to do and think about for the next while!

I want to be more diligent in chronicling my experiences of TTC. I just don't know how consistent I will be. But, here's hoping. I have started charting my BBT (basal body temp), though if I am not ovulating it will do no good. I bought the book "What to Expect Before You're Expecting". I was excited to read it and see if there was any good information that I didn't already have. It did give me good advice as to supplements, foods, etc that I should be ingesting and what I shouldn't be ingesting. Oh, and let's add to this mix the fact that I am diabetic!!!

If I can have a baby, then anyone should be able to have a baby. I know it's a useless waste of my time to wonder why there are thousands of women out there in the world who do not want the baby or babies they have, yet there are so many thousands of us who would give anything to have the gift of motherhood. It makes me bitter.

My 19 year old niece is having a baby any day. Why does she get the chance to be a mother so young in life. IT'S NOT FAIR!!! I just want to scream that from my rooftop. The funny thing, is that I love her and I am excited for her. But part of me grieves because it's her and not me. Is this wrong? Do I need to be a stronger person? I just don't know. All I know is I am 35 and Tom is 40 and we would make amazing parents given the chance.

God, are you listening?!?!

Moving Forward

I am excited for this weekend! I am looking forward to Tommy's surprise 40th birthday party! He has no idea... at least I think he has no idea. I have invited all of his close friends and we are having it at Kevin Goudie's home. Tom loves it there... they have a fireplace on the back porch and a lot of space to just be! I have already ordered his cake and the food and his gift! I just need to get the drinks, the beer, and the misc. items. I have already worked it out with his boss to be off Saturday evening and Sunday morning! I assuming that he will want to sleep in a little on Sunday after such a big party the evening before!

Also, Tom and I are actively pursuing having a baby! I have started taking hormones to regulate my cycle, and will start clomid in May. After turning 35 this month, it just sort of hit me that I want a family, and part of that family be a baby! I am working hard to have firm control over my blood sugar. I have been doing better this week, and I am grateful for that. I may have to go on insulin to get better control though. If that's what it takes, that's what I am willing to do. I have tried to use the treadmill more, however, it has been really difficult since I have had such an abnormal period.

I have bleed severely and heavily for 8 straight days, not to mention the clots that I have been passing. I know... great conversation topic, right! But it's where I am at. I called the dr. on Monday and he scheduled me for a pelvic and transvaginal ultrasound. The ultrasound showed nothing out of the ordinary - Thank God! So, I suppose that I will just have to wait this period out!! However, we are finishing day 10, and I am really tired of heating pads, maxi pads, and advil!

I have been off of work the past two days and am looking forward to getting back to the swing of things tomorrow. So, now that it is almost 11:30, I think I will sign off and get to sleep!

Oh, I almost forgot! I am on Spring Break for the next two weeks!!! Woo-Hoo! I have completed 4 classes now, one intro course, and 3 courses for grades! I have earned an A, an A-, and the grade for the last class hasn't posted yet! Actually, I am going to check that before bed to see if it has posted!

Have a great night! :)

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Feeling Good today!!!
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A Sunday of sorts...or out of sorts... or sort of strange... take your pick!

Today, is a strange day. I ditched church which isn't like me at all. I am avoiding phone calls from people at church, and I just want to curl up and sleep the day away.

My period is almost 2 months late, took a pregnancy test. No little plus sign. Kind of concerned about that. I need to see the Dr. but am putting that off as well.

I am in a bit of a funk today and I am not quite sure why.

I am working on two papers. One due today and a learning team paper due on Wednesday. School is the one thing that I like at the moment. It gives me a place where I can be in control and decide how I'll fair. I received my grade for my first class - "A"! I loved it! I actually got a 99.5% in that class! one stupid litte half of a percent, all because I submitted the paper that didn't have the reference page attached. THAT KILLS ME!!!!! Why can't I just be happy with my A and move on?!

I have been picking fights with Tommy lately. He's been good, but lately been fighting back. He doesn't deserve my mood swings, neither do I for that matter. I get so restless and when he doesn't want to be a part of my hair-brained schemes, it really frustrates me that he would rather sit at home on the couch then go out with me!

I am an enigma rolled up in a riddle covered by a mystery as he says! I guess that's true!

I am weaning off of the anti-depressant that I have been taking for almost two years. I bet that has something to do with my strange mood today. At least, that's what I am going to blame it on.

The weather is cold, there is no snow to enjoy watch falling, and I feel BLAH!! Someone help get me out of this funk!!!!!

The Eagles play this afternoon, so hopefully, they win and Tommy will be in a great mood! If they lose, I'm leaving the area for a while! LOL!

I know these are pretty random thoughts all thrown together... well, truthfully, that's how I feel today! All these random pieces of me just sort of thrown together in a body fighting to figure out which thought or action is going to win out today!

Maybe my next post will be much happier... just maybe!

Movie Review from Saturday

Well, I only saw 2 movies yesterday. Here are my thoughts:

Twilight - It was OK. Liked the book better, though the movie didn't stray too much from it. I just thought the writing revealed so much more of what Bella was thinking and how she perceived Edward and his family. Also, in the book, the scene at the ballet school was so much more intense.

Marley & Me: LOVED IT!!!!! I cried through the entire last half hour! I thought Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston did a great job together. The Lab was definitely the star, though! Since I lived in FL, and now am only 50 minutes from Philly, I really felt a connection to the sites in the movie. It made it more personal to me.

I didn't get to the other movies. After 2, my butt was numb and it was dark, so I'll try again!

Thumbs Up or Down - I'll have to let you know as I am watching these movies!

This is how I intend on spending my Saturday!! I've wanted to see ALL of these movies for several weeks, and I have a free day to do it! If you'd like to join, my schedule and location are below!!

Doubt
11:00

Marley & M e
1:30

Twilight
2:45

Slumdog Millionaire
5:00

Valkyrie
7:30

Frank Theatres Towne Stadium 166733 Black Horse Pike
Pleasantville, NJ 08232
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My 2008 Christmas Gift!!!

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